Is Parenthood Killing Your Sex Life?

When you become a parent, especially for the first time, it can take a lot more strategic planning to make space for your couple relationship than it used to, but do it. Good sex is a key component in nurturing a passionate, connected couple relationship and although it may take some energy to make it happen, it pays long-term to keep giving couple love its due attention. Parenthood is going to call on your creativity in so many ways and recalibrating sexual desire and intimacy in your couple relationship is a natural and unavoidable part of the journey.

Here’s a few thoughts to help:

1. Dispense with a ‘one-size-fits-all’ attitude to sex because passion and excitement thrive most on creativity and a bit of novelty. That means, don’t limit yourselves by thinking about sex as purely intercourse, as only happening at a particular time of day or night, or requiring certain circumstances – especially now circumstances have changed. Every touch can be flavoured with caring and acknowledgement of one another and help keep you feeling closer.

2. Admiration and appreciation, compliments and gratitude are happy-making and sexy. They help both the giver and receiver feel good. Criticism, complaining, demanding, seeing the worst in things and judging each other are not sexy. Not even a little bit. They are turnoffs. Simple. Instead, let your partner know in little ways that you still see them as the person you met and fell for, not just a tired mummy/daddy-person.

3. You may have to schedule your time together, but make those times a priority even if they’re brief. Complacency kills passion! Motivational author Tony Robbins wrote that if you want a relationship to stay great, it’s a good idea to keep behaving as you did at the start. What he’s getting at is that at the start of a relationship we know that there is no place for complacency – we have to make an effort to attract our partner and engage.

Schedule a regular date as soon as you feel confident to have someone mind your baby for a short time. Protect your dates with your life and use those times to connect, to enjoy yourselves, not to talk about the nappy service, work problems or the clothes dryer.

4. Sexually connected couples tend to seek to live passionate lives generally and that passion feeds back energy into their shared erotic world. They are open and eager to discover and explore new experiences in life even in the everyday things. They make an effort to return to favourite experiences in new ways. Passionate engagement in life by having any kind of fun with each other as much as possible, nurtures vibrant connection. Shared adventures however small, are food for body, mind and soul.

Creating family is a massive adventure, keep hold of one another as you find your way, stumble together but value one another openly and without reservation. It’s enormously rewarding to summit challenges hand in hand.