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Attachment Styles

Attachment Styles

John Donne’s ‘A Valediction: forbidding mourning’ concerns a sea voyage and uses the image of a circle as an antidote to the abyss of loss and separation. He pictures the invisible but precious bonds which link carer and cared-for, lover and beloved in an attachment relationship as slender threads of gold. Jeremy Holmes Long before …

Can Your Relationship Survive Infidelity?

Straight up? It’s a yes and a no. Yes – your relationship can survive, for better or for worse. In some cases, there’s eventually a positive that emerges long-term after infidelity – that an affair was one of the few things dramatic and life-changing enough to bring the couple back to a strong erotic connection. It’s …

Marriage – You’re Doing It Wrong

When couples look for marriage help they’ve often been going around in circles of frustration and resentment for so long that part of my job is to remind them how to speak nicely to one another. It’s odd really because the same people can usually communicate perfectly nicely with all the other people in the life. …

Absence Doesn’t Always Make the Heart Grow Fonder

Long distance relationships are tricky beasts. A little time apart can enhance passion when you get back together because you’re so excited to see each other. You miss each other and have likely fantasised about the reunion. However, many couples find that the thrill of missing each other soon wears off. Most of us who endure regular periods of separation for work or …

Are You In The Wrong Relationship?

When you’re in the wrong relationship it usually doesn’t take long to begin to suspect the awful truth but it can be difficult to admit to it and find the strength to make tough decisions. There’s always that little voice of hope whispering that maybe you could make it OK, not great but OK, if you changed something like…moved to Mars, …

Porn and Relationships

Embody The Goddess of Love

There’s nothing more desirable, universally attractive and yearned for than to love and be loved. Love is the fundamental core of our needs and desires, after all other dreams are quenched or drop away. Love is a very particular gift of heart-presence and focus – it’s not a thing but an action of body, mind and …

Habits of Mind

Those Damn Habits of Mind

Therapist Aaron Beck was the grandfather of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – a system of therapy which in a nutshell, teaches people to recognise the patterns of thinking that aren’t serving them well and to question unhelpful thoughts and feelings rather than just going with them willy-nilly and spiralling into down moods. Many therapists, like myself, combine ideas …

is satisfaction lame?

Is Parenthood Killing Your Sex Life?

When you become a parent, especially for the first time, it can take a lot more strategic planning to make space for your couple relationship than it used to, but do it. Good sex is a key component in nurturing a passionate, connected couple relationship and although it may take some energy to make it …