Author, Psychologist
I’m writing this with trepidation, because the mere mention of porn can provoke conservatives, big business, the moral police and all sorts. So to be clear, there’s no moral debate here. I’m writing about porn because it’s become an issue in my field – relationship therapy. Essentially the most common problem is when one partner …
Learning to manage differences in opinion compassionately and effectively in your relationship is an essential life skill and it isn’t really that difficult to learn. Ample research shows that how couples behave under pressure is more important in predicting happiness than how they are together in good times – after all, being happy when things are going smoothly …
It doesn’t take more sex to feel sexier and to enjoy intimacy more. What it does take is regularly feeding your erotic imagination; prioritising your passions and creativity AND grabbing every opportunity to show care to your beloved. Here’s 5 ways to infuse more of your creativity and aliveness into the bedroom: 1. Our erotic imagination thrives …
From my years as a couple therapist, here’s a few tips for rediscovering great sex in long term relationships. In each of us is our secret erotic world unseen by anyone except a lover (and even they rarely know the half of it). The happiest long term couples tend to have created a shared, overlapping erotic existence as …
I recently re-discovered the book How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It’s great inspiration for parents who want to connect deeply with their children and need some practical ideas. It works because it takes a mindful, respectful and compassionate attitude to the parent-child relationship (unlike some …
Sex therapy is often an important adjunct to couple therapy and there’s a popular misconception that longer relationships equate with boring sex. However, research evidence actually suggests that long-term couples generally report enjoying more satisfying sex than newer couples. This is probably because confidence and ease grows over time together. It is true however, that for many couples, …
For much of my life I had the classic pleasing disease. Pleasers want everything to be beautiful and harmonious and we’re willing to do what it takes. Pleasers often come across easy-going, generous, agreeable and flexible, because we want to be loved and we’re convinced pleasing = being loved We move mountains to make others happy, lacking …
“Will it last?” It’s the question that can’t help crossing most people’s minds when a couple announces an engagement. There are a few good indicators of which relationships are going to see the distance and which are likely to be doomed. Years of helping couples as a therapist means I’ve seen the good, the bad and the …
When is it too late to save a relationship? The short answer: When you’ve let too much resentment accumulate between you. You probably no longer see the good in your partner as outweighing the bad. It’s likely you have few positive feelings left for your partner, or perhaps no feelings at all. It’s surprising how …
It was a big day when mindfulness hit me as a super power – an innate power I could channel to improve my life. I’d been studying yoga and meditation for some time and I had the THEORY totally down, but apparently it hadn’t really sunk into my heart and gut. Because there I was on an …