It makes sense that we want to infuse our sex lives with some novelty to keep it interesting – but there are also deeper reasons for keeping sex creative. By creative – I don’t necessarily mean acrobatics in the bedroom – simply variations on sex aside from intercourse.
Sex is creative – even when it’s not about creating new people – it’s almost a place we go to that exists as much inside our imagination as in our body. The erotic imagination is awakened by novelty sometimes and at other times by the known, loved and deeply familiar – which means we tend to be interested in varied sexual activities. It’s helpful to acknowledge our desires, and our partner’s, because therein lie some clues to sustained relationship happiness and pleasure. Do you openly acknowledge your sexual faves with your partner? It can be a great way to change things up – talking explicitly about sex if you don’t usually.
An openness to experimenting with different sexual expressions, or at least talking about them without anxiety or shame can foster a deep sense of being accepted and valued by your partner. You may not lust for precisely the same things, but you might be comfortable venturing a little way (or all the way!) into each other’s erotic imagination sometimes. Either way, a non-judgmental attitude to what turns each of you on is essential in love.
Trying different things together in the bedroom can evoke playfulness, fun and spontaneity. Having fun together is one of the best ways to keep a relationship alive, joyful and burning with the desire to be together. We want to be around people who are fun and who make us feel good about ourselves. Sometimes couples forget those simple facts amidst the business of everyday life.
Finally, many partners deeply appreciate their loved one going to some effort specifically around sexual creative thinking because it gives them a sense of being attractive, lusted after and so desirable that their partner thinks about them and creatively plans for sex in advance.
So much about eroticism is attitude and openness – not so much what you do but the energy, passion and intent with which you do it. Let your sexuality be a place where you prioritise imagination, acceptance and appreciation with your partner, and feel your relationship continually deepen and thrive.
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